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How to spin dating in your favor

Updated: Dec 4, 2020

S: Success will come with positive thinking

When it comes to dating, the way we think about ourselves affects the way that we act and we often have our own assumptions on how the other person perceives us. You might think that you didn’t look confident on a date, when in reality the other person thought you were friendly and warm. You may think that the discussion on your recent work accomplishments was not interesting, when your date was impressed and inspired. The person you are meeting may also have their own fears and concerns about how you perceive them and may be nervous to express their true feelings. This is why it is important to not only think positive about your great attributes but to also let the other person know what you appreciate about them. Giving positive feedback will let the other person feel comfortable and encouraged.


P: Paint a full picture

You may have heard throughout your life that every person is special and unique in their own way. We forget that every couple is also unique. It is normal to look up to certain couples and want to aim for a marriage such as theirs, but it is important to remember that each couple has their own sets of challenges and accomplishments. A friend’s spouse may have a trait that you wish your partner had, but also a personality that wouldn’t be the right fit for you. Your match may have an important quality that your friend’s spouse is lacking, therefore it’s important to evaluate the big picture when considering the potential for the future with someone.


I: Imagine you ideal match but focus on what you really need

We all have a list of qualities that we are looking for in a match. Your list should not be numbered like a shopping list, but instead divided into what you want versus what you must have. Why? When we know what we are looking for, it’s easier to find it. Did you ever go shopping for clothes and leave the store empty-handed? It may have been because you didn’t find anything you liked, but it could also be that you weren’t looking for anything specific therefore nothing stood out for you, causing you to walk away. Know what you are looking for in a match and it will be easier to find it when you see it. If you meet someone that isn't your type, remember that different doesn’t mean bad. Did you ever travel somewhere and find yourself in a beautiful and foreign city but didn’t find the comforts of home? Your accommodations were different but it wasn’t a bad thing because it meant you were somewhere special. You could’ve stayed home but wouldn’t get to explore this fascinating destination. In dating, sometimes we meet people who may be different than our imagined match, but it doesn’t mean that it’s a negative thing. They may be different than our type, but better in so many ways that we didn’t expect and you may be pleasantly surprised.


N: Never forget to enjoy the moment and enjoy each stage of life

It is completely normal to feel disappointed if we meet someone and know rather quickly that they don’t seem like a match. It doesn’t mean that one cannot enjoy the moment and try to take in any lesson or aspect of that meeting that will enhance your life, even if the person is not for you. After all, even in the non-dating world, we meet people all the time that we don’t necessarily become friends or neighbors with and yet we can still learn a great thing from meeting them. Every stage of life has its greatness as well as its responsibilities. Once a person is married, yes they may have accomplished one of the greatest goals of their life, but new responsibilities may come along. Getting married is certainly fulfilling but it doesn’t mean that the stage of life before marriage can’t be as wonderful and satisfying as possible. Being a guest at a friend’s wedding may be reminding you of your dream to find the right match, but that time will come for you as well because everyone has their turn. Tomorrow, that friend will be dancing at your wedding and next year you will be both dancing at someone else’s wedding! Enjoy each stage of life and have faith that your time to live your dream is coming soon!


Love,

Annie Chana Newman


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