If you must break up, this is how
Updated: Jan 6
You are looking to marry one person for the rest of your life. This means that by definition, you will have to break up with EVERY person you date that is not your future spouse! Sounds a little overwhelming, but it’s just the way dating works. Both partners have to mutually want to move forward, otherwise one side will have to somehow let the other know that it’s not a match.
Now, you may be analyzing why some people refuse to continue a relationship. If you look up reasons why someone would break it off, you would find lists detailing how looks, personality, location, job, timing, attitude or any other myriad of reasons could contribute to a breakup. If the other person is breaking it off, you may experience various levels of disappointment depending on how much you wanted to pursue that relationship. What if you’re the one in the position of telling the other person that it’s not going to work out? It’s stressful to figure out how, since nobody really wants to disappoint or hurt anyone’s feelings.
If you ever found yourself debating ways to tell someone that that it’s time to move on, you may have heard of methods such as ‘don’t do it by text,’ ‘give a few compliments before telling them the news,’ ‘stay friends,’ ‘help to set them up with a friend,’ ‘be honest but not too direct,’ ‘have a third party deliver some hints,’ and the lists go on.
If you must break up and want to know how, none of the above advice matters.
Do you really want to know the best way to end a relationship that is short or long term? There is one advice that you probably won’t find on most lists. That is: TELL the person you’re breaking up.
You might be wondering how is this anything new or special? It’s because we live in a time when cell phones have created a new common and profoundly traumatizing way of breaking up: Ghosting. Some people think that by slowly starting to ignore their partner’s messages, the other person will understand that it’s practically over. Some people think that if they stop answering messages altogether, the other person will realize that there is a breakup going on. Ignoring someone is infinitely more hurtful than telling them that the relationship is finished. Some people think that it’s less insulting to be ignored than to be told the truth or that it’s a good way to end things because there is no confrontation. They probably don’t have bad intentions but it’s still quite unpleasant. They might realize this when one day, someone they really like ghosts them in return, disappearing completely without notice, and they feel that they would have preferred being told the truth and being disappointed than to constantly wonder what they did wrong, why that person became suddenly so unavailable and why they have turned into a stone wall.
As difficult and unpleasant breakups can be, everyone has a way that makes them more comfortable to approach their partner to let them know, but at the end of the day, even though some methods are more dignified than others, nothing matters more than actually communicating with the other person and not following into the trend of the disappearing act.
You don’t really need to worry about all of this because very soon you will be with the right one and won’t even remember what breaking up means!
Annie Chana Newman